Mother’s Day

I searched for that snapshot of you
the one from the family such as it was
the one from the picnic
such as it was you were
indecisive, in summer
surrounded by strangers
your family, that anger
you were beautiful, noisy and
indecisive then
apart from the rest of those
who were religious and proud
I’m lazy at best
and came up with this one
culled from the nest
I had decided to leave
when I knew you were dangerous
when I knew you
were far from me
when I knew you were partly me
who was beautiful once
noisy and proud
I can see myself here
in a liar’s garb
next to my sister who
left everything disturbed
I grin like the hostage
sure of release
I grin again and
shall never please
the one from the family such as it was
she who came madly
and left me to dust
I grin like a drunkard on
an uneven keel
my mother, my lifeline

my buried at sea