BIRTH DAY

I don’t even know
how old I am and
that is a good thing
an honorable denial
a reliable referral
when those I have loved
passed with shadow-less grace
left me alone
left me to face
the crusades they began
I don’t always know
how good I am and
that is a question
often debated
in hearts overheated
when reading those maps
I don’t always know

how that river ran
through that dry cul de sac

how I got here
how I flowered

how I aged
doesn’t matter
the soil, the water,
the comfort of others
the ground and the sky
the reasons why

I don’t even know
how old I am and
will not pursue
questions so daunting
answers so nil
demand to choose open
the right to defend
those I have loved and
the ones who come next
emerge from darkness

with effortless grace

and grow ageless like me

in infinite space
leave me alone
for a while to diffuse
I will return

I will not lose