For Joni

there are times when

we leave reason behind

what’s in front, in the now, begs forever

things like tumors
and fractures and aneurisms

are small change for the price
of understanding never

raw things like rumors
and capture and vampirism

remain in the nice

how we dissect the heroes of memory
is all about us
is all about we
our personal quest is plagiarism

I knew a woman, I felt her pain
I knew what she was from my own
personal ism

to hear what she suffered is the sweet song

it is not our story

it is not our longing

we dissect bones we unwillingly envy

it often comes down to
a suite condescending
an opera of voices in crisis unending

how we love what she gave us

beauty unending
is not for our small selves
to tear into bits
how we love what she gave us
that is what it is.


Photo: Norman Jean Roy

I was an orphan before I was born
no history completes me
no port in a storm
no future no animal complexity
whatever I saw
whatever I heard
what senses I tried
what danger I smelled
came from the unholy family
the ones who asked Hell
what to do with me
I was an orphan before I was born
and dressed in the clothes of the time
I curtsied and smiled unrefined like a mime
whoever I loved
whoever I feared
what I noticed was gone
what they said lived on infamously
children gone aimlessly
I was an orphan
not lonely or misunderstood
I was hungry and boasted
I was learning for good
whoever I trusted

whoever I lost

came before me and after
at considerable cost
I was an orphan and I still am

it keeps me from running

in my party dress
the shoes blacked to shining
those boys in their jest
one leaning in hunger

another angry at best
I didn’t exist in the universe of real

I didn’t persist at the altar of fate

those boys dogged my future

those boys understate
what orphans grow into

those orphans can wait
I live free or die a thousand times over
like the tide or the sunrise
the mussels dug under
I am orphan now and have
no need of a shell
I live free or die with no family’s bell
whoever I loved

whoever I feared
they are gone with the wind
they are magic uncertain
the last laugh is mine
I will grin wholly confused
I am an orphan today

I am orphan infinitum

ring for dinner this time
leave an empty space
ring for dinner, it’s time, 

it’s time and the place.